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I am sure you have heard about the statement above umpteen times. Which is easier to do: walk away from a courtship relationship that is not making any headway or a marriage covenant that is sealed on the altar of God? The truth be told, a broken courtship is much easier. I have seen many, I mean countless courting relationships that eventually did not work out and I am glad to inform you that heavens did not fall afterwards. In courtship, there are no covenants involved, only promises and good intentions.
Once a courtship eventually leads to marriage, then a covenant has been struck and at this point, it becomes not easy to walk away from any longer. Once there are no clear intentions from either of the parties as to how the relationship can become better for a glorious future, bringing the whole thing to an end would not be a bad idea. When you end a courtship, you have not sinned, neither have you divorced your spouse-to-be. Courtship is not marriage and so, there is no divorce in the picture.
I have a friend who walked away from a two year courtship simply because his wife-to-be would not communicate. After a number of appeals from him to the lady to at least make her intentions known once in a while, all to no avail; he decided to let the lady be by walking away from the relationship. Irreconcilable differences are better discussed during courtship and find a way around them than letting it get into marriage with you both. Whatever issue you cannot resolve during your courtship may be difficult to resolve when you both are now married.
There are a lot of married couples today who suffers in silence simply because of their partner’s behavior. Some of them they had known beforehand, but were hoping that they would change before they get married or change when they are married. Most of the times, they were wrong. Many of them are already in the marriage still hoping that those partners would change, but have not. Some women knew their husband smokes, drinks and even womanize while they were courting, but still went ahead to settle with them in marriage. A man or woman that will not change a particular bad behavior during courtship may not change when you both are eventually married, except God intervenes.
So, the best time to let go is now! Although people change with time. But this is not enough for a life-long relationship like marriage because once it is set in motion; there is no room for exit anymore. I used to have a friend who was courting a young and promising young man in those days. But the only issue she had with this young man is that he drinks alcohol. I mean, this is a young, chaste lady courting a drunkard. Sometimes you just wonder why good ladies fall for the wrong guys. Anyway, she was not comfortable with this, and then she told the guy to stop drinking. After promising heaven and earth, the guy still continued.
Since she could no longer bear it, and the guy’s love for alcohol too didn’t dwindle, she prayerfully decided to let him go, and they ended the relationship right there on that note. The point is quite clear isn’t it? The best time to walk away if things are not taking the right shape is during courtship, and not when married. Don’t hope that your partner will change when you are living together under the same roof, most times it doesn’t work – maybe it has worked for a few anyway. There are times the bad attitudes even become worse in marriage than when you both were even courting.
Although a lot of people are impatient to see the good side of their spouse and give them enough time to change. But what is the definition of enough time? How long can you give your spouse before he or she changes from bad to good? Psychologists have found out that it takes anywhere from 18-254 days for someone to have a complete change of an attitude and form a new habit. So, get it right now! Any habit that your spouse-to-be wouldn’t change, say within two or three years of courting each other, will never change in marriage. Don’t be fooled into walking down the aisle with such a one.
Don’t say love is blind, and you simply shut your eyes against all those inadequacies. You are simply sitting on a time bomb if you do so. The era when love was blind is over. That era died long before the word ‘ignorance’ was invented. The truth is some habits can be tolerated, why others are absolutely intolerable. For example, if you have a partner that doesn’t talk, that is still tolerable.
My courting experience was one heck of a great time – with its ups and downs. I was not the talking type, and my wife (fiancée then) used to have issues with it. She is the talking type, and so; we had issues blending at first. But we are married today and the experience has been different from where we were coming from. Now, we talk very well, we enjoy each other’s company and we are best of friends – asides being husband and wife.
But when you notice your spouse smokes, drinks, womanizes or have some murderous tendencies, my sister, my brother; those are signs for you to quickly walk away especially when your partner isn’t showing any sign he or she is going to change. These are what I call intolerable habits.