Fola Ojo
If you are reading this treatise today, at one time in this journey of life, you must have been stabbed in the back by those you needed most; lied to by those you dealt with in truth and love; left alone by those you had once stood by in their times of many trials and troubles; and bruised and hurt on purpose by some people you had once helped to discover their purposes in life. Nobody loves these raw deals unleashed on them in any relationship. If you have not yet been cudgelled by any or all of these human weapons of pain, get ready. Your turn may come this week. They are life’s true occurrences that must happen to us all in the course of life and living. It is true that life is 10 per cent what happens to a man and 90 per cent what he does about it. So, what do you do when men and women you least expect do you in, and do you wrong?
Five years before he became President of the United States of America, Mr. Donald Trump was asked to speak at the National Achievers Congress in Sydney, Australia, to explain how he had achieved his success in business. Trump gave the audience nuggets of what he had learned from running a successful real estate empire. It was an inspiring talk for those who dream to be like him some day. Later, Trump left the audience with this thought; urging his roaring listening audience to fight back and get even with those who do them wrong in the course of business.
“Get even. I believe in getting even with people. Get even. When you’re in business, you get even with people that screw you; and you screw them 10 times harder. You’ve got to get even with people so everybody knows you are a fighter; and they know you’re not going to take crap from people who may want to take advantage of you”.
Getting even means that you never pull the punch when people swing a punch of offense at you. Trump also said this was a lesson not taught in business school; and anybody who wants to be successful in life and business must know this. Punch them back harder. That is the Trump principle.
From infancy, I have always heard in Sunday School that if someone swiped one side of my cheeks with a heavy and spicy hand of meanness, I must turn the other to him for the same or worse treatment. I was not told to punch back hard; but ‘turn the other cheek’. As I grew up, I found out that this is a difficult road to travel. People had done me wrong in life. The ones I could punch back harder at, I had no hesitation to unleash. It felt good. It was kind of therapeutic. Very many human beings are wicked and mean. They thin out your patience and wear off your meekness with their ugly and unwholesome behaviours. Many determinedly hurt you back to back and they get a kick out of seeing you drench in tears of pain and cries of agony. When you cry, “I can’t breathe”, they still put their knees on your jugular to cut off blood supplies to your brain. Both of your cheeks become fields for rains of assaults and dews of insults.
My friends, turning the other cheek is a tough position to be even for the anointed or annoying. I once watched a movie where an angry rich church member slapped a priest. Don’t ask me what the priest’s offence was. But the Man of God was instinctive. He slapped the rich man back many times more, and he felt so good. Are priests too not human beings? His reaction came out of the biological instinct of “fight or flight”. Now, what will you do if, out of the blues, someone slaps you? It’s difficult to shout: ‘Halleluya, praise the Lord’ in such a situation.
Do I agree with Trump? Am I in alignment with his life principle? That’s not important. It is both a physiological impossibility and fruitless human effort not to want to get even with men who hurt you. It is even tougher to forget those who brought us hurt. Don’t we all have stories to tell? To pretend to forget means there is no acknowledgment of history. And where there is no history; there is no completeness to all of our human stories. If you forget those who hurt you yesterday, there is a good possibility that tomorrow, you will forget those who help you today, or will help you tomorrow. Our past hurts are special events that make up our life’s stories. A man’s history tells a man’s stories. A man without history is a mystery man. Jesus only deliberately moved beyond Judas; he did not forget his experience with him. Apostle Paul moved beyond Alexander, he did not forget his craftiness and mischief. Some events leave heavy imprints on our souls that they are too difficult to forget. But must we live the rest of our lives brooding over them?
This story moves me each time it sweeps across my spirit. It was a story told by former South African President Nelson Mandela.
“After I became president, I asked one day some members of my close protection to stroll with me in the city, have lunch at one of its restaurants. We sat in one of the downtown restaurants and all of us asked for some sort of food…After a while, the waiter brought us our requests. I noticed that there is someone sitting in front of my table waiting for food. I told then one of the soldiers: Go and ask that person to join us with his food and eat with us. The soldier went and asked the man so. The man brought up his food and sat by my side as I asked and began to eat. His hands were trembling constantly until everyone had finished their food and the man went. The soldier said to me: ‘The man was apparently quite sick. His hands trembled as he ate’!
“No, not at all,” said Mandela.
“This man was the guard of the prison where I was jailed. Often, after the torture I was subjected to, I used to scream and ask for a little water. The very same man used to come every time and urinate on my head instead…So I found him scared, trembling, expecting me to reciprocate now, at least in the same way, either by torturing him or imprisoning him as I am now the president of the State of South Africa…But this is not my character nor part of my ethics”!
It is true that life is 10 per cent what happens to a man and 90 per cent what he does about it. So, what do you do when men and women you least expect do you in, and do you wrong? Although it is both an impossible human task and a physiological impossibility to forget the past, we must move beyond it in our minds; and with steady gaits, approach a glorious future. You have a future to build; go build it. You have money to make; go make it. You have children to raise; go nurture them. You have a life to live; go live it and leave the hurt far behind you. If people do you wrong; do them right in return. Yes! It is tough! But make it happen. Your life will be replete with inner peace and overflowing outward joy. You will thank me later.
– Follow me on Twitter @Folaojotweet, (willieojo@yahoo.com)
