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What Honesty Means in a Relationship
When we think of honesty in relationships, the first thing that probably comes to mind is the fact that one shouldn’t lie to or cheat on one’s partner. While that’s definitely important, honesty can also take other dimensions in relationships.
Being your authentic self with your partner and speaking your truth can sometimes be easier said than done. It typically only occurs when people feel safe enough to be vulnerable with their partners, says Dr. Romanoff. “Since honesty carries the risk of creating discomfort and conflict, one has to have faith that the relationship is strong enough to handle it and the other person is willing to accept them as they are.”
Apart from allowing your partner to truly know you, honesty is also important because it helps you communicate with your partner about what is and isn’t working in your relationship. Your partner is not a mind reader, and they won’t know what’s bothering you unless you tell them.
Why Is Honesty So Important in Relationships
Honesty is important for relationships because:
- Enables authenticity: Being your authentic self with your partner allows them to truly know you. While it’s normal to want to showcase the best version of yourself to someone you’re dating, hiding things about yourself does you and your partner a disservice. Though secrets can seem mysterious and exciting, the truth is, being yourself can be freeing.
- Helps you communicate your needs: Your partner may not know what’s going on with you unless you tell them. Honesty is important because it allows the other person to understand your needs and gives them an opportunity to respond to them, says Dr. Romanoff.
- Builds trust: Being able to be yourself with your partner can deepen the trust between you and your partner, solidify your bond, and create intimacy in the relationship. On the other hand, not feeling comfortable enough to be yourself in the relationship or suppressing your feelings and needs because you’re afraid of conflict can cause the relationship to deteriorate, says Dr. Romanoff.
Tips for Having More Honesty in Your Relationships
Dr. Romanoff shares some strategies that can help you build more honesty in your relationship.
Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable
Revealing your fears and vulnerabilities to your partner can feel scary, but it’s an important part of getting to know one another and building trust.
For example, if your partner doesn’t respond to texts in a timely manner, you could communicate how it makes you feel unimportant and easily forgotten about, which is how you often felt growing up in your family. You could share how their current behaviors are cutting into a preexisting wound, which they likely were not aware of.
Being honest and vulnerable with them can help them understand you better and be more mindful of your need to be prioritized by those you love.
Create a Safe Space for Sharing
Encourage your partner to be honest and open with you. One way to do this is by being honest with them, because research shows that honesty begets honesty in return. Sharing your vulnerabilities with your partner can earn their trust and prompt them to share with you too.
Let the relationship be a safe space where they can share their feelings with you, without fear of judgment. Keep their confidences private.
Share Feelings Constructively
When you’re sharing your feelings, use ‘I’ statements and try to avoid any sentences that start with ‘you’ because this puts the other person on the defensive.
For instance, instead of saying “You should have called me when you were running late,” you could say “I was really worried when I didn’t know where you were.”
Remember, your goal is to open up to the person and share your feelings, not criticize them.
