Relationships are huge tasks; these tasks often times presents itself in complicated and difficult manners. But the good thing is, people who find themselves in one see some pretty clear signals to know if the relationship is going to work or not. It is all about reading the handwriting on the wall, in other words, not ignoring the red flags.
However, it is also relevant to note that a relationship can never be perfect; the society has succeeded in painting a picture to many individuals that relationships must lead to a lifetime of commitment and unending love, but in reality, it is far from that. Hence the ideology that certain behaviors or habits exhibited in a relationship is toxic.
Things like the role of needing one’s space or time apart, dealing with dissatisfaction or having the urge to call it quits are normal, every day relationship issues. But, it doesn’t get talked about because the relationship automatically gets termed as Toxic.
With this in mind, here are common habits that aren’t toxic and should be seen in any different light henceforth.
There are different scenarios where that friend (or even you) mysteriously ceased to exist as soon as they got into their relationship. And it’s troubling, not just for us but for them.
When we fall in love we develop irrational beliefs and desires. One of these desires is to allow our lives to be consumed by the person we’re infatuated with. This feels great but it is quite intoxicating and the last time anyone checked, intoxications are not all so good.
The problem with allowing your identity to be consumed by a romantic relationship is that as you change to be closer to the person you love; you cease to be the person they fell in love with in the first place.
It’s important to occasionally get some distance from your partner; during this time off, assert your independence, maintain some hobbies or interests that are just yours and evaluate how the relationship has impacted your life. It is okay to have some separate friends.
Without this space or time apart, the fire between the two of you will die out and what were once love sparks will become only friction.
Accepting The Fact That Your Partner Isn’t Perfect
A lot of people expect their partner to get everything right, but have you ever really considered the fact that this person is only human?
You need to realize that every person has flaws and imperfections and at the same time, no matter how much you try, you can’t ever force a person to change.
Therefore, bear in mind [while choosing a partner] that you must date somebody who has flaws you can live with or even appreciate.
The most accurate metric for your love of somebody is how you feel about their flaws. If you accept them and even adore some of their shortcomings — her obsession for clean surroundings, his introversive nature— and they can accept and even adore some of your shortcomings, well, then that’s a sign that things can work out.
It may be our perfections that attract one another. But it’s our imperfections that decide whether we stay together or not.
Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate time before it becomes too damaging. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together.
Having the mindset of “Without you, I have no reason to live” only shows how toxic that relationship truly is. You should be able to exist with or without your significant other.
Worshipping our relationship as something more important than ourselves, our values, our needs and every other beautiful aspect of our lives, only creates a sick dynamic where there’s no accountability
The truth is, society has a terrible idea of what a “successful relationship” should be. If a relationship ends and someone’s not dead, then we view it as a failure, regardless of the emotional or practical circumstances present in the person’s lives.
It is not a must that all relationships lead to marriage; sometimes you learn from the other person and move on to being a better human in society.
[The Guardian]
