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During this period of lockdown, there is every tendency that those who have been struggling with their abusive husbands or wives before now suffer a bit and find it very hard to cope with them. Already, there are concerns in China and France as to the potential threat that this Covid-19 lockdown may have on those in one abusive relationship or the other. According to the World Health Organizations (WHO), violence against women tends to increase during every type of emergency, including epidemics, with women who are displaced, who are refugees, and living in conflict-affected areas as being the most vulnerable.
Many who have hitherto hidden under the shadows of their work life to escape many abuses that they go through in their homes and from their partners would wish this lockdown is over with and in no distant future. You can imagine sleeping in the same house and under the same roof with the same man or woman who never believed that you even exist in the first place.
Many of these couples find some succor in the fact that they go to work and have businesses that they run. So when they leave their homes on a typical day with all the abuses, they find somewhere during the day to bury their negative emotions; some in their work, others in some other social gathering where they meet with friends and probably gist all day. But that isn’t going to be happening soon and so, it is important that people who are going through this menace of domestic abuse and violence in their supposed marital relationships be helped with some coping mechanisms in this period of lockdown.
I am going to be sharing with you a number of things that I believe can help you and your relationships during this period. What I will be sharing with you briefly can help you build a lasting solution to the problem of abuse in your relationship if only you would be willing to give them a try. Hey, they say there is no harm in trying. If you at least aim at the moon, there are chances that you will fall among the stars if you can get the moon. So, there is no crime in trying to put some of these tips into practice even as you go through this lockdown together with your partner.
Number one: Give Adequate Room For Peace To Reign. The word of God says “blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the Sons of God.” I know just like other times, something somehow usually trigger these many abuses from your husband or your wife. When you notice that those triggers are already in motion like other times, why not just make peace instead. When the tension is about to rise as usual, why not be the one to douse it. In places where you used to reply your partner in the past, why not try to hold your peace this time around. When you try this, what you are doing is simply giving peace a room to reign during this period.
Number two: Avoid Physical Altercations At All Cost. Never get into any discussion that will bring about argument. Arguments the Bible says leads to strife. You sure know that your arguments in the past don’t end without your husband or wife hitting you or physically assaulting you. You can be wise as the serpent this period of lockdown by simply avoiding any of those arguments so that it won’t lead to that situation where you both now starts to beat each other. Don’t forget it is a lockdown, your neighbors may not be able to come to rescue you from his or her hands. God forbid that the unthinkable happens during the process of engaging in physical fight.
I had once separated a physical fight between a husband and a wife. I was much younger at the time, still in secondary school, and I heard this couples fighting in the next flat. The wife was screaming as if the husband was about to take her life. I could not bear the woman’s scream, even though at the time I had no physical energy to withstand her husband. I rushed into their apartment, met the husband and the wife naked and the wife being pinned down by her husband like he was ready to kill her right there and then. I couldn’t do much but to start pleading with the man to please allow his wife to go.
The shame that a young boy like myself could have witnessed them fighting like that made him leave her. But that incident registered in my memory till date, and I knew it is not always a good sight to behold when husbands and wives engage in physical fighting. Things like this may want to occur during this period, but you can do your best to flee every appearances that would lead to it. One of them is by disallowing any physical altercation whatsoever that can trigger your husband or your wives’ anger.
Number three: Engage Your Husband Or Your Wife In Productive Discussions All The Time. Notice the phrase: productive discussions and not productive arguments. This is the period you both can talk about the future together, how to avoid matters and situations that usually leads to abuse. You can discuss the future of your home, raising your children (if you have any) and travel the world together even from the comfort of your living room. This period, you both can build castle in the air, talk about future vacations when Covid-19 is over, talk about how you would build new homes and probably change your cars.
You can just use your creative imagination to build productive conversations that won’t lead into arguments and fight. You can use this period to even talk about why you both quarrel all the time and find time to work on your differences. As the husband, you can ask your wife to talk about you and the wife can do likewise the same. You both can go jogging or exercising during the evenings of the lockdown within your neighborhoods. Things like this would spice up the relationship and put quarrelsome activities at bay.
I believe this short piece have inspired you!
[Centre for New Dimension Leadership]
