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On this exciting episode of Leaderview, we will be considering Leadership and People Pleasing. Many people are faced with the challenge of pleasing others in leadership position all in the bid to ensure that they do their bidding, to ensure that they are happy with them or affirm them or they are doing as they want them to do. So, we find many people that are ready to go the extra mile for other people just to make them happy even as a leader. You know, they are spoken of in a better manner, when they want people to speak about them in a good manner to others. They do these things and they want to just please people. They just want to go the extra mile to please their team members or please their followers or even their employees.
Listen to Podcast: Leadership and People Pleasing
While it is important to decide for yourself how you would love others to know you as a leader and also relate with you, it is more important not to go the extra mile of getting them overly happy about you because it might not be necessary. Many times, you don’t even need people to be happy with you, all you have to do is to challenge them and ensure that you give value to them. They do the things that they are actually supposed to do. You ensure that you are challenging them and not necessarily when they are happy with you because people will not always be happy with you. People have one thing or the other that they might be going through and they might even be coming to the environment, having one challenge or the other that is personal to them. But for someone that is a leader and that loves to please people, he or she will be more concerned about “why is this person not happy today, why is or she looking morose” and all that; all because you just want them to be happy with you, all feeling as though they are not happy because of you. This is what happens to people pleasing leaders.
Galatians 1:10, Scripture says: “For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men?” Paul speaking there… “For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.” What he was trying to say there is that he Paul, is trying to please God and not men, and that is how it should be for every leader in whatever organization you find yourself because when you get to a point that you are pleasing people and all you are after is ensuring people are happy with you, you will end up not achieving the goal of the organization. It would be much more about you; it would be much more about how people feel about you. But it won’t be able driving them into the fulfillment of the organizational goals and objectives.
You know, people pleasers often find themselves doing things they don’t want to do and putting the needs of others ahead of their own. You know, when they are asked to do something or to help someone, they often feel compel to say “yes”, even when the thing is not going down well with them. No one is saying you should not help people, help people, but try to value yourself some more. Value yourself by placing yourself much more important. Let people value your time, let people value you for who you are. You can’t be a people pleaser and lead an organization successfully, it is not possible. And this is because when you are in a situation where you want people to like you, you want them to be happy with you and you want all that to continue like that, the truth is people cannot always like you, they get to liking you only when you do their bidding. Once you start stepping on their toes, they become your enemy, not wanting to do anything with you.
The way humans behave is such that they do not want to be challenged. They do not want people to drive them. Many don’t want to be told what to do. This is natural for so many people because they have issues with other people leading them. So, most of the time, when you are not disrupting something in people, causing a change or disrupting something in them, they will be fine with you. But once you begin to challenge their commitment to work and you begin to ensure that they are doing the right thing and doing the right bidding and in the right direction; they begin to cower in fear and which will result into some form of unpleasantness towards you. So, this is why you should know that you cannot always please people to be a leader because once you get to the point of challenging them, they will not want to like you anymore. Nobody wants to be confronted in that sense and this is what a people pleaser leader does not want; that form of unpleasantness towards them all because they cower in fear because of the challenges is coming to them by the leader.
A people pleaser does not want that because he feels like “what is happening, is there a challenge, why are you behaving this way?” the person just wants to ensure that the follower keeps liking them, keeps admiring and happy with them. But the truth is you can’t step on toes and people will not look at you somehow. Eventually, it might end up being to the good of the person, but at that moment, the person is not seeing it that way. The truth is what you are doing as a leader, you are sowing the seed for your followers to reap from. So, keep on at it. If you are looking for the situation at hand right now, looking at the way they are feeling when you are telling them what to do, when you are correcting them, when you are making them a better person; if you are looking at the way they are feeling, you won’t get the best out of them.
This is where you now start seeing employees who start misbehaving without the drive for the values and the culture of the organization. Why? Because they have a leader that just wants to just pleasing them, always looking to their face and ensuring that they are always smiling. Leading people is not about making yourself and them feel good, it is about getting the result that the organization requires. Don’t get to the point where you are in a friendship business as a leader. It is important that you are a relational leader, we have spoken about that before, but realize that you are in a leadership business. You are helping people, you are molding them, you are giving value to them. So, what you do is that you commit to helping people to do and be better. You are not living in a people pleasing villa so, stop and quit pleasing people. No leader can please everyone all the time. Some would even think they are bad leaders because people aren’t happy with them.
First, not everyone is happy and for their different personal reasons. An error some leaders who are keen on pleasing others would do will be to put more time and energy on those that are unhappiest and those that are even the least committed in an organization because someone that cannot be driven, someone that cannot be challenged does not want to be. Someone that constantly becomes unhappy when he or she is being corrected or when he or she is being spoken to or challenged to be better, the person is definitely the least committed in that organization. And for a people pleaser, the person is committed in ensuring, you know, putting so much energy and time on such a person. You are simply losing time putting your energy on somebody that does not want to even be committed in an organization.
So, don’t allow unhappy people manipulate you. And in case you have become a people pleasing leader without you even knowing it, you need to change as you cannot lead your organization, serve people or reach your organizational or leadership potential if you are always trying to make others happy. Stope seeking to be everybody’s friend as a leader, you will always step on toes. Desire what is best for the people you lead more than what makes you feel good about yourself. Let your team members know it is not about you, let them also know also it is not about them either, let them know it is about the big picture of the business. When people know that it is also not about you, they would be more committed. Value people and add value to them. Be the leader they really need, not the one they want. Challenge them quickly and ask for the best from them. Let them always deliver.
So, we have looked at Leadership and People Pleasing today. How you should not continue to please people at the detriment of the goal of the organization but to keep driving people towards achieving their goals, to keep challenging them into doing what they are meant to do. Quit being a people pleaser and be committed to challenging your followers. I hope you have been blessed on this exciting episode of Leaderview and in case it was not exciting for you, well, I am not here to please you, I am here to challenge you and help you to become a better leader. Till I come your way again next week, my name is Olabisi Obayomi.
God bless you.
Article Source: [Centre for New Dimension Leadership]
