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The holidays bring a lot of perks — time off work, snow days, cheesy Hallmark movies and spending time with family members who you may not get to see much throughout the year. The last one can be a bit of a double-edged sword, however.
Although you love your relatives, there’s something about a large gathering ― combined with being back in a house where you were once a different person ― that can make you more stressed than normal. Constant questions about your personal life and your job or comments about your eating habits or body may pop up. You might (strongly) oppose their political views. You may feel pressure to get along when you’re just not feeling it.
If you’re equal parts excited about and dreading family time, you’re not a bad daughter, son, sibling or cousin; you’re just human. There are psychological (and unconscious) reasons this happens. Here’s what makes you feel that way, plus some expert tips on how to navigate sticky conversations and prevent your family from pushing your buttons this season.
Being around family causes old dynamics to resurface
One of the most common reasons being around family can stress you out is that although you’re not a child anymore, you’re suddenly back in that environment. That can cause a regression in behavior that’s reflected in yourself and in the way people treat you, said Joseph Cilona, a licensed clinical psychologist and personal coach based in New York.
In other words, your parents might still treat you as though you’re not old enough to make important decisions on your own, or you might feel you need a family member’s approval for something you do or how you look.
“Many find themselves regressing to behaviors, feelings and reactions that they’ve outgrown in their adult lives and relationships but were commonplace during their upbringing,” Cilona said. “Although these kinds of responses can occur at any time of the year, the holidays often increase both the likelihood and intensity of these types of emotions and reactions.”
There’s a pressure to appear perfect, and that can weigh on you
On top of that, there’s also the unrealistic expectation (largely thanks to social media) that you have to be your best, most joyful self during this time ― no matter what else is going on in your life.
“It’s stressful to be around family, period,” said Erin Olivo, a licensed clinical psychologist based in New York. “The one thing that is different during the holidays, as opposed to other times of the year, is the pressure of trying to be that big, happy family.”
Instead of trying to project a perfect image of yourself and your family on Instagram, Olivo advised, stop and practice acceptance that the holidays aren’t uniquely different from any other given day. Because really, how many families are actually wearing matching sweaters and playing touch football in the snow (despite what you may see on your social media feed)?
Read Full Gist: [HuffPost]
