The Purpose-Driven Relationship: What Should Drive Conversations During Courtship

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There are many today who go into courtship with all the wrong reasons. The danger that this usually presents at the end of the day is that it leads to frustration and a feeling of a wasted time. When purpose is not spelt out from the beginning, such courtships may end up hitting a brick wall. There is a saying that when you don’t know where you are going, every place will look like it. When the purpose of a thing as well is not properly spelt out, abuse of such thing is inevitable. Abuse of relationship, especially during courtship; is usually borne out of not setting out a clear purpose from the beginning.  And so, I want to use this medium to let you understand what a purpose-driven courtship entails.

I am not going to give you rules and regulations per say. I know you must have been used to many rules already from some supposed relationship counselors. It is not as if rules aren’t good, don’t misquote me. It is just that most times, certain situation presents themselves during the course of courtship that those rules do not adequately solve. So, do not expect that in this short piece.

What I will simply be doing; would be to let you see why it is important for you and your partner to be purposeful, and have direction even before marriage comes into the picture. There are basically two things that guides a purpose-driven courtship. The first is the knowledge of the present and the second is the knowledge of the future. The knowledge of the present usually guides both parties about how the future would look like. Don’t forget that courtship precedes marriage. In other words, it is important that you have a conversation with your spouse-to-be about the kind of marriage you both are anticipating; and the kind of home and family you want to build together.

I was privileged to counsel a lady sometimes ago who actually isn’t persuaded to continue with his man because he consumes alcoholic drinks. The man never sees anything wrong in taking alcohol though, just the way a lot of people today too don’t see anything wrong in taking a few bottles; as long as it is not beyond proportion.

But the lady detests alcohol with a passion, on the ground that her faith does not support it; and then her up-bringing does not portray people who drinks as ‘totally’ responsible men or women so to say. And so, she couldn’t withstand the fact that she would be getting married to someone who takes one. The fact that she does not even know the quantity that he takes at the moment, even gives her more reasons to be worried, as they are not living together yet. Her fears was that; what if after marriage, dude goes uncontrollable and his alcohol in-take knows no bound? It was a serious conversation that she needed to have with him, because it is not about the present, but the future.

As they say, that a stitch in time saves nine, they had the conversation and unfortunately, the man was not ready to give up his alcohol in-take for their future. That was the end of the relationship. This example was given so that we can see how serious conversations during courtship can reveal certain traits about your supposed spouse-to-be. This is what the knowledge of the present does in courtship. The truth is, many people can pretend during this period and hide certain information from you, but conversations can force them out of their pretense to reveal the true person that they are.

There are certain information that you both are aware of right now about yourselves, these information are actually meant to get both of you talking. This is one of the importance of courtship. You don’t leave anything to chance at all, or go on the assumption that your spouse-to-be would change when you are both married, it is a costly assumption. Many who do that later regret why they didn’t back-out when the opportunity was still there. When you notice character defects or flaws in your partner, during courtship  is the time to talk about them and expect positive changes from each other. As a matter of fact, whatever character defects you cannot change now in your spouse-to-be, you may find it difficult to change when you both are married.

If any changes would occur at that time, only the grace of God would make that happen. I know of a lady who lost her man after three years of courtship because she was hot tempered. I mean, her temper so much rose to a peak one time, that she slapped her best friend in the presence of her fiancée. The guy was like; how can you slap your best friend over a trivial matter; in my presence? That was the beginning of the end of that supposed courtship; three years. The guy’s excuse was if her best friend could be slapped like that, then no one is immune against such a slap; not even him.

You see, character defects should drive serious conversation during courtship, because a person’s character is who he or she is. When the courtship is purpose-driven, then it gives room for the parties involved to explore themselves, and not exploit themselves. This is made possible because there is marriage in view and there is no room for secrets or any reason to hide anything from each other anymore. Have conversations about your likes and dislikes, talk about each other’s emotions, visions and aspirations. Always look forward to how and where you can complement each other during those conversations; and then walk towards the future based on that knowledge.

I believe this piece revealed certain things to you one way or the other, kindly share with your friends as well. Thank you.

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Obayomi Abiola Benjamin
CEO/Chief Editor at FridayPosts.com
I am Abiola OBAYOMI Benjamin, a Writer by Grace, an Author: (Developing Yourself Spiritually), a Blogger (Fridayposts.Com), Director, School of Marriage at Centre for New Dimension Leadership, Abuja and a passionate Nigerian. I believe Nigeria will be great again, but the change we need in Nigeria begins with all of us doing things differently. Collectively, we can make Nigeria work.

Obayomi Abiola Benjamin

I am Abiola OBAYOMI Benjamin, a Writer by Grace, an Author: (Developing Yourself Spiritually), a Blogger (Fridayposts.Com), Director, School of Marriage at Centre for New Dimension Leadership, Abuja and a passionate Nigerian. I believe Nigeria will be great again, but the change we need in Nigeria begins with all of us doing things differently. Collectively, we can make Nigeria work.

2 thoughts on “The Purpose-Driven Relationship: What Should Drive Conversations During Courtship

  • October 18, 2018 at 7:25 pm
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    Wow…..There is a saying that when you don’t know where you are going, every place will look like it. When the purpose of a thing as well is not properly spelt out, abuse of such thing is inevitable. Abuse of relationship, especially during courtship; is usually borne out of not setting out a clear purpose from the beginning. And so, I want to use this medium to let you understand what a purpose-driven courtship entails……Thank you Brother Abiola Benjamin Obayomi for teaching Singles this all important secret for a blissful marital destiny!

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The Purpose-Driven Relationship: What Should Drive Conversations During Courtship

by Obayomi Abiola Benjamin time to read: 4 min
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